a hopeful heart

I could focus on the bad, but I would rather be thankful for the good.

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I loved my sister more than almost anything else in the world. We were best friends, to me at least. Often times I worried, feeling like other friends were more important to her than I was. I would express this slightly, but not a lot. There was a constant fear I was going to be "replaced" or that she was more valuable to me than I was to her. These are probably normal feelings for a 12 year old who thinks the world of her sister.

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It was a Friday and I remember exactly where we were on the road. Just days before my life would be forever changed, but I didn't know that these would be our last times here together. Our car rides usually consisted of loud music until someone would turn it down to begin a deep conversation. We started discussing her soon to be graduation, how she would be moving on, and missing her friends. I knew this was heavy on her, so I gladly listened. At this point, she opened up to me and explained how she would miss her friends from school, but she wanted me to know this: As she thought deeper and grew more, she realized that I was her "bestest friend." These words meant everything to me. I remember the feeling of security, reassurance, love, and gratitude.

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I know God doesn't make bad things happen to us. I know He doesn't take people away from us. But I also know that He sees my life, my heart, and knows what will happen in the future. I know that God was aware of the tragedy I was about to endure; Not only that, but God knew my insecurities about my relationship with my sister.

I like to think that God, in His goodness, was taking care of my heart in advance. He knew the pain I would go through, He knew the grief I would face, and so in His perfect time, let me have beautiful words to hold on to. He helped prompt the conversation, leaving me no doubt that we were indeed best friends.

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Is life always easy? No.

Is life always good? No.

But there are always good aspects that we can choose to focus on.

We can focus on who we have in our life to love. We can focus on the many blessings and what we're thankful for.

I can focus on my God being good. He loves me and knows me. He wants my heart to be healed. He wants me to know and feel love. He is always for me, taking care of me and looking out for me.

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I have this best friend bracelet my sister and I got together. Every time I look at it, I'm reminded of my best friend. I'm reminded of my family who is always there for me. I'm reminded that death isn't the end. I'm reminded that in the worst of times, I can find a glimpse of good. I'm reminded that I have a good Father who longs to make beauty out of tragedy, and who longs to take care of my heart.

I'm reminded of hope.

Grace and Peace,

Evelyn